When I look at you
by kbfan6907
Summary: During a party someone stumbles down the stairs and into his own nightmare.    Warning: Violence and mention of Rape.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**This idea came to me after hearing a song. I'm still working on my other stories but wanted to get this started.**

**I don't own Glee**

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><p><em>He stumbled out of the room, feeling along the wall for support and direction. His one good eye that wasn't swollen was trying in vain to see through the <em>

_darkness, so his hands were his guide. He fell down grabbing his side in pain; it took a minute to get back on his feet. The pain radiated through his body, till he _

_was in so much pain he was numb. His arm was searching wildly for the banister signaling the staircase. In his haze he heard things falling off the wall, crashing _

_to the floor. But no one came; no one was there to help him. He finally felt the banister and his whole body sagged against it. He had to take a break to regain _

_strength to get to the bottom of the stairs. He went to move and pain shot through him from his backside, reinforcing what he was trying to forget had happened. _

_He slowly made his way down the stairs, collapsing at the bottom. He heard voices above him, he couldn't make them out, they all blended together and were _

_muffled. He was just so tired, and in so much pain. He knew who he had to get to, but couldn't seem to find him anywhere, he heard himself yelling, but it didn't _

_sound like him. The voice was so small and broken, just couldn't be him. He felt hands on his head, someone was trying to soothe him or do what just happened _

_all over again. He started fighting, swinging his arms, he was willing himself to scream, but no sound came out. Then he smelled something that smelt familiar _

_and comforting to him. The voice sounded so scared, and so far away. He tried to focus his good eye on the image of the person kneeling in front of him. It was _

_useless; all he saw was a blurry blob. The hand was back on his head, he didn't fight this time, he didn't have any fight left in him. That's when the face got close, _

_and he opened his one good eye and caught a glimpse of the person he was searching for. He could make out tears in their eyes, and worry on their face. He tried _

_to reach for them, but felt a familiar hand slip into his. The voice started to become clearer, and then he finally could hear what they were saying._

_"Blaine it's me..Oh God..hang on help is on the way"..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Thanks for the feedback..onto the next chapter. Hopefully things will start to make more sense for ya!**

**Don't own Glee**

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><p><em><strong>One hour earlier...<strong>_

It was the end of the year; New Directions were back from New York after their disappointing loss. The Warblers, wanting to cheer them up and hang with their friends, decided to throw an end of the year show choir party. Wes' parents were out of town, and he had the biggest house so everyone met there at 8pm for the party. Blaine was excited to see Kurt, only seeing him right after he got back, so he sat near the front door waiting on him.

By 8:30 the party was in full swing, everyone was drinking, and laughing and having a generally good time. Kurt and Blaine were in a corner, much like most couples, just making out and having fun. They broke apart, Blaine claiming he was heading for the bathroom, so Kurt took this time to go refill his drink. No one had to worry about driving, as everyone who was drinking was invited to spend the night for safety. Wes' older brother was there to make sure nothing got out of hand and make sure the couples didn't room together that night.

Kurt started to wonder where Blaine had run off to about ten minutes later; it hadn't taken him that long to go to the bathroom all night. So he started to look for him, asking people if they had seen him. He was looking for Wes' brother, who was trying to keep tabs on everyone, but he was nowhere to be found. He run into David who said he saw Blaine heading up the stairs to the bathroom, but hasn't seen him since. Puck said he saw him refilling his drink, Tina said she saw him outside, and Finn told him he thought he saw him heading into a bedroom upstairs, saying something about aspirin.

So Kurt went upstairs and all the rooms that were unlocked were empty, assuming he just missed him went back downstairs to try and find him. Pretty soon, the casual worry ate at him, and he was majorly worried. It'd been 45 minutes and no one had seen him and Kurt couldn't find him. Having not had much to drink yet, Kurt was starting to get sober, real fast, as he ran around asking everyone he saw where Blaine was. He finally spotted Brian, Wes' brother coming down the stairs.

He looked a bit disheveled to Kurt but he ran up to him and asked him if he'd seen Blaine. He saw something flash in his eyes, but he couldn't read it. Brian shook his head and pushed past Kurt into the living room. Ten minutes later another boy, looking about Brian's age came down the stairs too, he had some stains on his shirt, but Kurt wasn't paying attention, so he described Blaine to him but once again he got nowhere.

Kurt walked outside thinking maybe he passed out somewhere, when he heard a commotion from inside. He ran back inside and was horrified to find a beaten and bloody Blaine lying at the bottom of the staircase. Kurt ran to him, grabbing his hand trying to ask him what happened. Blaine seemed to barely be conscious so Kurt started to bark off orders to everyone around him. Kurt looked up and saw Finn, who looked as scared as he felt.

"I just saw him at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't see what he looked like from up there, he just seemed to walk like he was drunk. But as he came closer I realized something bad happened to him."

Kurt looked up at his brother, "how could this have happened in a house full of people!"

He looked back down at Blaine and kept telling him to hold on, they were gonna be here soon. They all heard the ambulance, and unfortunately the police. Kurt went with Blaine in the ambulance, not understanding what they were asking him. They all wanted to know what had happened, that's went Kurt broke down crying just shaking his head..

"I don't know".


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**I put an M rating on this story, and I meant it.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews!**

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><p>Kurt sat outside in the ER waiting area, surprised to see Wes, David, Finn, and Brian come through the door. They went straight for Kurt, who wasn't even crying anymore, he looked numb. They were asking what happened, only Kurt couldn't tell them anything, he didn't know. He knew what they did, and that was just they found Blaine wondering down the stairs beaten and bloody and that was it. They were getting ready to ask more questions when a nurse came out and yelled for a "Kurt Hummel". Kurt got up and ran for her, she looked at him and motioned for him to follow her. Kurt had been there for two hours without a single word on how Blaine was so he asked what was going on.<p>

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><p>She stopped at a door and turned to him, "he's asking for you, we've stabilized him and physically he'll be okay in a few weeks. But he won't let us examine anything other than what's exposed, which is just his head and his chest. So we thought if we came and got you, that you could calm him enough to make sure he's okay elsewhere. So be prepared to see him, he's quite upset, he's bruised up pretty bad, but none of it is severe. He seems to have been drugged, which is why he seemed incoherent at the scene."<p>

Kurt walked through the door and wanted to cry. Blaine looked so small and scared, and his eyes were huge and he was screaming at everyone to leave him alone he only wants Kurt. Kurt rushed to his bedside, grabbing his hand, "I'm here Blaine I'm here".

"Oh God, Kurt..I..I'm so..scared" he said sobbing.

Kurt just rubbed his back trying to get him to calm down.

"Baby look at me", Kurt put a finger under his chin and moved his head so he could look at him, "are you hurting anywhere else besides your chest or your face?"

Blaine nodded, starting to cry again.

"Where baby, where, let them help you." Kurt pleaded.

Blaine closed his eyes, and slowly rolled on his side. There were gasps from the room, along with one from Kurt's mouth that he didn't even know he'd made. Before he could stop them the words came out, "Oh God no..please, baby, tell me that isn't what I think it is. Tell me someone didn't do that to you."

Blaine just started sobbing, Kurt held his hand tighter and looked at him and told him, "I'm not going anywhere, I'm here okay. They are going to check you, but I'm RIGHT HERE okay."

He felt Blaine nod against him as one of the doctors walked forward to examine where all the blood that was under Blaine when he rolled had come from. Blaine seemed to quiet down at first, until they had to do a rape kit. Kurt heard them say he was torn, and would have to be repaired. He held Blaine tight as they took samples and tried to stop the bleeding. As soon as they started touching him Blaine started crying, but these were different, because they were cries of pain. He squeezed Kurt's hand so hard and all Kurt could do was brush the curls back from his head and hold him close. His heart broke every time Blaine whimpered or started to scream, "ow..ow..OW, make them stop Kurt they're hurting me please..make it stop!"

Kurt wanted to, but he couldn't, once all the samples were collected the doctor looked over at Kurt and whispered, "I have to repair him now, I'm going to numb him first, but I need you to him down, another doctor will get his legs. But you try your best to keep him calm, this will only take a minute then he won't feel anything else okay?"

What other choice did Kurt have? He just nodded and put his arm around Blaine and looked in his eyes which were terrified.

"Blaine baby, they are going to fix you okay, but you have to sit still for a minute, they are going to numb you okay? Then nothing will hurt, is that what you want, for it to stop hurting?"

Blaine nodded, and then Kurt nodded at the doctor who started with the injections. Kurt held Blaine as he sobbed, thankfully it didn't last very long and he started to relax. He couldn't feel anything else of what the doctor was doing so Kurt sat down in front of him with his hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears.

"We'll get through okay? You'll come through it, it's hard I know now to think you'll ever be okay again, but you will. I'll be here with you through all of it, I'm not leaving I promise."

He actually saw Blaine smile, "thank you for staying here, and being here with me."

Kurt smiled back at him, "there's nowhere else I'd be".

They put Blaine in a private room, and gave him a sedative so he could sleep. Kurt was lying in his bed, arms wrapped around him tightly. That's when he looked up and saw Blaine's mom in the door way, tears streaming down her face. Seeing her lose it made Kurt lose it as well, he got down off the bed and went and wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you for being here with him, I'm sure you comforted him as best you could through this."

Kurt nodded, "come on the bed is big enough for all of us."

They crawled in the bed, Kurt on one side, Blaine's mom on the other. Kurt held him close, as Blaine's mom stroked her son's hair, trying to stifle the sobs trying to come out.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Kurt asked.

His mom smiled, "yeah, honey Blaine's strong very strong. As long as he has you babe, he can get through anything", she said kissing Kurt's forehead.

"Get some sleep honey; you need to be strong for my baby tomorrow okay?"

Kurt nodded and snuggled up to Blaine as his mom slid off the bed and into the reclining chair to sleep. She realized that it only took Kurt a few minutes to fall asleep, so she went around and pulled the blanket over her son's boyfriend's body, placing a kiss on both their foreheads.

She leaned to Kurt's ear and whispered, "he's so lucky to have you, I thank God everyday he found someone to love him".

Then she went back to the chair and crawled in and fell asleep, hoping tomorrow wouldn't be as hard as she knew it would be for her baby.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Thanks so much for the reviews..the more I get the faster I type!**

**Don't own glee...sucks I know.**

**This story is about the aftermath, the healing, not so much about the trial and dwelling on the legal aspects of what happened.**

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><p><em>Blaine sat curled up in a ball in his room at home. He hadn't left his bed since they discharged him, he couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. He turned his phone off, his laptop set in his bag that he hasn't opened since he left school the day before…before that night. He laid there with his eyes closed, trying to block out the memories, the pain, the screams that he let escape him that night..that no one heard. He rubbed his hands on his face, then started to scrape down his arms with his hands. He jumped up and ran to the bathroom, turning on the water full blast, scalding hot. He just lay in the bottom of the shower scrubbing and scrubbing, but nothing making the images go away, nothing made him feel clean, nothing made him feel okay….he'd never be whole again. That night stole a part of him, he was sure he'd never get back.<em>

_He could still see the green eyes above him, and flashes of white light, someone took pictures, **someone had pictures of him**..like that. Someone liked it so much they wanted to remember it, but Blaine didn't need pictures, he'd never forget every moment, every touch, every minute slowly making something in him die. He hadn't seen or heard from Kurt in a week, but it wasn't like he made it easy. He didn't want Kurt to see him like this; he knew Kurt would eventually forget about him, he'd move on. Blaine couldn't, he couldn't get past any of it, he was still there that night, every day that had passed, had done so without his knowledge._

_He turned off the water, and drug himself to his vanity, digging through the drawers, he had to stop the images, he wanted the pain to stop, he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't scrub his skin clean; he couldn't erase the memory of the hands that touched him..taking with them a part of him. He felt like he was screaming, but nothing came out, he hadn't spoken of that night. He couldn't even explain why it happened, or even what happened, all he remembers is touching, threats, pain, and that damn white light._

_He was vaguely aware of someone banging at his bathroom door, but just like in his head, Blaine was alone. He found what he was looking for; he ripped the blade out of his razor and stared at it. The pain under his skin was unbearable, he had to let the pain out, he wanted it gone..he wanted to be gone._

_He pulled his clothes off, remembering everywhere he felt those hands touch him. He leaned over, sobbing, and pressed the blade to the skin of his thigh, he kept pressing it down harder, until he saw scarlet red run over the blade. He leaned his head back, mouth hung open..he felt euphoric, he felt some of the pain leaving his body. He moved a few inches further down, making four or five slashes, not hearing the pounding getting louder. He wasn't aware of the door being bust open, his mother and Kurt looking at him in horror. For the first time Blaine felt like he could breathe, like he could close his eyes and not feel the hands, not see the images..like he had drained them from his body._

_Kurt grabbed his arm and flung the blade across the room, looked him in the eye, "you listen to me Blaine, I'm NOT losing you, I'm not going anywhere, I'm here Blaine! I'm HERE do you hear me!"_

_Blaine just looked at his beautiful face, and cried, he cried for himself, for Kurt, for the person he used to be. He cried because he didn't know how to be okay, he didn't know how to forget._

_Kurt pulled him into his arms, "God damn it Brian…God damn you" he whispered._

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><p>Blaine had told them who the eyes belonged to, Kurt's suspicions were right, the only two people who came downstairs that night…was up there with him. Brian had walked in on him, but instead of helping Blaine was in shock and just stood there. He didn't want to believe what he saw so he left, and never told anyone what he saw.<p>

Blaine spent a month recovering, in therapy, and at home. His mother took him out of Dalton, put him with Kurt at Mckinley, and they moved to a slightly smaller house, away from the memories. Blaine felt he was mentally in a better place, some things though wouldn't go away. The images, the words he couldn't form to tell someone other than the police that night what happened. How long it went on, how long he screamed in pain until it was over. All he had was his journal, and everything was poured out there, all of his emotions he was too afraid to reveal to anyone.

That evening he sat at his keyboard, playing a melody that had found its way into his head. He was writing in his journal then started to hum along with the music. He kept getting angrier, as words started to form replacing the humming. The more words he wrote down and added with the music the harder he was hitting the keys. He felt like this was a release, of everything, of all his emotions..all of his pain. When he was finished he cried. He went and curled up in his bed and cried. He was supposed to be working on his glee assignment, something about sharing something about yourself through song or something like that. He didn't understand what he was supposed to do. He hoped that since he'd only been in class for two weeks he'd be excused from it.

The trial was looming ahead, Brian wasn't formally charged with anything, as he gave the names of the two guys that were there. He wanted on one hand for them to plead guilty, get a deal so he wouldn't have to re-live that night on the stand. Then again he wants them to get all the time they possibly can, they deserve to be punished, have their lives taken from them like his was.

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><p>The next day he sat in the seats, Finn on one side, Mercedes on the other. Everyone was taking turns singing in the auditorium. Kurt was next, and Blaine was expecting an outstanding rendition of one of his favorite Broadway songs. But he is surprised when all he hears is the quiet beautiful music from the piano. Kurt simply sat on a stool, in the middle of the stage. Somehow when Kurt looked up and out at them that he was looking directly at him. He smiled at him, as he started to sing a song Blaine had never heard and something that wasn't something he expected to ever hear Kurt sing.<p>

_It's like a storm  
>That cuts a path<br>It breaks your will  
>It feels like that<em>

Blaine fought the tears, he didn't know how Kurt could know he needed to hear these words.

_You think your lost  
>But you're not lost <em>

_On your own  
>You're not alone<em>

_I will stand by you  
>I <em>_will help__ you through  
>When you've done all you can do<br>If you can't cope  
>I will dry your eyes<br>I will fight your fight  
>I will hold you tight<br>And I won't let go_

_It hurts my __heart__  
><em>_To see you cry  
>I know its dark<br>This part of life_

Blaine looked beside him as he felt Finn slip his hand in his, and Mercedes follow only seconds behind. Neither was ashamed of the tears in their eyes.

_Oh it finds us all  
>And we're too small<br>To stop the rain  
>Oh but when it rains<em>

_I will stand by you  
>I will help you through<br>When you've done all you can do  
>And you can't cope<br>I will dry your eyes  
>I will fight your fight<br>I will hold you tight_

_And I won't let you fall_

_Don't be afraid to fall  
>I'm right here to catch you<br>I won't let you down_

_It won't get you down  
>Your gonna make it<br>Yea I know you can make it_

_Cause I will stand by you  
>I will help you through<br>When you've done all you can do  
>And you can't cope<br>And I will dry your eyes  
>I will fight your fight<br>I will hold you tight  
>And I won't let go<br>Oh I'm gonna hold you  
>And I won't let go<br>Wont let you go  
>No I wont<em>

All Blaine could do was cry, and smile at the boy on that stage who he was lucky enough to have love him. Blaine got up to meet him halfway and wrapped his arms around him; Kurt returned the hug, whispering that he meant every single word.

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><p><strong>Up next, Blaine's song….<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Thanks for all the reviews; I had to write another chapter after I stumbled upon a song that I just had to include it as it's perfect. I was worried about finding a song for Blaine..but am so inspired now.**

**Enjoy the story!**

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><p>The next day after school Kurt and Blaine were sitting in Blaine's room working on homework together. Blaine's mom wasn't worried that the door was shut; Blaine wasn't really in the mindset to do anything, besides hugging he couldn't handle being touched. Kurt was there for him, was being patient with him. He stopped doing his work and instead decided to stare at Blaine, who was just staring at his book on his lap. He looked up and met Kurt's gaze, then quickly looking away. Kurt got up and sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist.<p>

"You okay?"

Blaine laid his head on Kurt's shoulder, "yeah I'm okay".

Kurt looked at Blaine in the eye, and Blaine looked at him with the same intensity in his eyes he used to right before he would kiss Kurt. So Kurt let instinct take over and leaned in to place a soft kiss on Blaine's lips. However his instincts were wrong. In shock Blaine backs away and pushes Kurt off him and off the bed. Kurt was too afraid to look at Blaine's face; he was so sorry he read the signals wrong.

"Get out" Kurt was scared of the tone in Blaine's voice.

"Blaine I'm not going anywhere." Kurt said standing up.

Blaine looked up at Kurt, his eyes filled with anger, despair, and just emptiness. He got up and grabbed Kurt's shirt and pushed him till his back was against the wall. He crushed his lips to his, he had pinned Kurt's hands above his head. Kurt tried to fight against him, but he just wasn't strong enough. Blaine held his wrists in one hand when the other ripped Kurt's shirt open. Kurt saw the look in Blaine's eyes, he wasn't there, he was somewhere else. He picked Kurt up roughly and put him on the bed, trying to force his pants down. He saw tears escaping Blaine's eyes. Blaine was crying about what he was doing but couldn't stop himself. So Kurt did the only thing he thought to do, he screamed for Blaine's mom who came running at the fear in Kurt's voice. She came quickly through the door stopping dead at the scene in front of her. Her hand flew to her mouth in shock, she ran to the bed, grabbing Blaine's shoulders trying to pull him off.

"Blaine, baby BLAINE its mommy, please honey don't do this. This isn't you, please Blaine look at me, BLAINE!" she said pleading holding the boy's face in her hands until the shadow in his eyes disappeared and he crumbled into her embrace. Kurt fixed his pants and his shirt, he was slowly backing up, not sure how to feel about what did and what could've happened. He went and sat in the corner, not wanting to leave but wanting to seem like he wasn't there.

Kurt sat there his head in his hands, crying for everything Blaine used to be, and everything he isn't now. He felt arms around him; he looked up and into the beautiful eyes of his boyfriend, both just falling apart in the other's arms. Blaine saying he was sorry over and over, muffled by Kurt's shoulder, they stayed like this for a long time.

Blaine looked up, "I'll understand if you hate me".

Kurt shook his head, "I'll never hate you, that wasn't you Blaine, I knew that."

Blaine started crying again, "I don't know what happened, all of the sudden I could see myself and what I was doing but couldn't stop myself. I'm so so sorry."

"Blaine look at me", he did just that looking into Kurt's intense gaze, "I love you, and when I told you I wasn't leaving I meant it. Through the good and the bad I'm here, forever for you."

Blaine started sobbing, "Oh God why, why did this happen what did I do?"

Kurt got angry, "You did nothing, no one knows why people do things like this..but you listen to me YOU DID NOT do anything to deserve this."

Blaine just sobbed against him, Kurt didn't want to move but soon he felt Blaine relax against him, he'd cried himself into an exhausted sleep. Kurt and Blaine's mom helped him into bed, both crying and kissing his head. Kurt then hugged Anna and grabbed his books and took off to his own home, to his own bed, to cry himself to sleep.

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><p>The next day in glee it's Blaine's turn to sing, he grabbed his notebook, after the incident the night before he wrote more. He needed all his emotions out; he needed someone to know how close to not holding it together he is most days. He needs support, he needs his friends, and he doesn't know how to ask for help. He hoped that they would get it through the words that he wrote himself.<p>

Blaine sat in front of the piano on stage; he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and stared directly at Kurt. Then turned back to the piano and started to softly play, eyes closed as he couldn't see the looks in their eyes. He needed to feel the emotions in the song, in him, so he could release them.

_I open my eyes_

_I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light_

_I can't remember how_

_I can't remember why_

_I'm lying here tonight_

Kurt held his breath, the tears were forming, this was Blaine's way of letting it out..finally. Kurt wasn't sure if he was ready to hear this, but knew for Blaine he had to. He leaned over and grabbed Finn's hand, who squeezed it back and gave him a small smile. They turned back to the broken, vulnerable boy singing his heart out on the stage.

_And I can't stand the pain_

_And I can't make it go away_

_No I can't stand the pain_

They watched as the soft music and voice slowly got angrier, the strokes of the piano getting violent as Blaine's emotions spill over.

_How could this happen to me_

_I made my mistakes_

_I've got nowhere to run_

_The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me_

Tears were falling down Blaine's face, and down the face of every person in that auditorium, including Mr. Shu. No one had seen such a heartbreakingly beautiful display before in their lives.

_Everybody's screaming_

_I try to make a sound but no one hears me_

_I'm slipping off the edge_

_I'm hanging by a thread_

_I wanna start this over again_

Blaine opened his eyes and looked intently at Kurt, a way to tell him the next part was for him. He was openly crying, as was Kurt, but as the song went on Blaine felt stronger.

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered_

_And I can't explain what happened_

_And I can't erase the things that I've done_

_No I can't_

Kurt sobbed, he didn't want Blaine to feel any of this, he wanted to also go back to when things didn't matter, and everything was okay.

_How could this happen to me_

_I made my mistakes_

_I've got nowhere to run_

_The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me_

The piano was the only sound in the room for a while; Blaine was lost in the music.

_I made my mistakes_

_I've got nowhere to run_

_The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me _

As the last notes filtered through the room, Blaine broke down. Kurt was halfway up the steps before the song had come to an end. He ran up to Blaine and held him as they sobbed. Pretty soon they felt other arms around them; everyone had wrapped their arms around him, crying along with him. Trying to give him strength, wanting to take all the pain away. They all stayed that way until Blaine's sobs no long could be heard then they broke apart, each one taking a turn to hug Blaine. Blaine was amazed at the love coming from these people, these people who now considered him family.

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><p><strong>Song: "Untitled" by Simple Plan<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**There will be lots of flash backs a long with the present. As with Chapter four all flash backs will be in italics.**

**Thanks for all the reviews..the more I get the quicker I write!**

**Don't own glee..**

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><p>Instead of Blaine doing better after his performance, he seemed to spin downward again. He hid in his room, not talking to Kurt, the trial looming over his head. He felt damaged, and not at all worthy of living, let alone Kurt's love. He wanted Kurt to just get over him; he'd never be of use to anyone ever again. He was used, dirty, and no longer the virgin he'd wanted to be for Kurt, this special thing they were supposed to share was taken away from them so quickly. It had taken a big part of who Blaine used to be, a part that he knew he'd never be again. He loved Kurt, and he loved him enough to let him go, he was strong, he'd be okay eventually.<p>

Kurt opened Blaine's door, he hadn't talked to him in a week. Blaine was lying on his back on his bed staring at the ceiling.

"Hey babe, you okay, you haven't been answering your phone?"

Blaine, not moving simply said, "maybe I didn't want to talk."

Kurt took a breath, he always tried not to take these things to heart, but it was hard.

"I was just wanting to see if you were okay", he said walking closer to the bed.

Blaine sat up, his eyes empty of any emotion, "I'm not, why the hell would I be okay, WHAT IN THE HELL POSSESESS YOU TO WALTZ IN HERE LIKE I'M FUCKING OK?"

Kurt just stood there, "I..I..I love you Blaine, I'm here for you, but you keep pushing me away".

"Well maybe I don't want you to be here, maybe I'd be better alone. Maybe I'm just too damaged for you to love anymore..maybe I'm too damaged to LOVE YOU anymore."

Kurt couldn't stop crying, "Blaine please don't do this, please, I can love you enough for both of us."

"Kurt that's not a good way to live, I don't want you to live that way. Just please stop calling, and texting me, just leave me alone", Blaine lay back down staring at the ceiling, unshed tears in his eyes.

Kurt stood by his bed, "you don't want this, I know you love me, you know I love you. I can't leave you when you need me the most. I don't care how hard you push, I'm not leaving you."

"I..I don't think I'm capable of loving anyone Kurt, not even you".

"You don't mean that, Blaine, I know you don't mean that. Just talk to me, tell me everything just get it out of your head."

Blaine turned and looked at him, "what do you want to hear Kurt, how I laid there and cried for you? How I could feel myself tear, how it was the most painful, humiliating experience of my life? How I saw my best friend's brother just stand there as I'm pleading with him to help me? How I tried to close my eyes and picture you, picture your smile, your kisses, and your fucking voice? How I'd give anything for it to have been you to take my virginity, how I'd planned it, that was something FOR US…FOR YOU..and they fucking took it. They took it like it didn't matter, like I didn't matter, how they kept telling me how beautiful I was, and how I'd like it cause I like dicks and a dick is a dick? I fucking felt like someone was splitting me in half, and the thought of ever having sex again makes me want to puke. The thought of you touching my body makes me feel ashamed, because you weren't the first to touch it. You were supposed to have been the first Kurt; I had planned for you to be the first and the only to see me that way. So Kurt just turn around and leave, I can't be fixed, I can't love you..not the way you deserve. Just turn around and forget about me, if you can't do it, if you can't bring yourself to, then do it for me. Know this is what I want and respect it, just leave."

Kurt was sobbing, Blaine was sobbing, "No, I can't leave you; you can't tell me you don't love me..tell me you don't love me anymore and I'll leave. I will die inside, but I will leave."

"I don't Kurt, I can't love you anymore".

Kurt nodded, got up and turned towards the door, he stopped and turned around. Blaine was still sitting there staring at him.

"Promise me something, please", Kurt whispered.

Blaine looked at him, "what?"

"That you'll let me be your friend, that if you feel so alone that you want to die, that you'll call me. I will always love you, but Blaine I was your friend first..I'll always be your friend."

Blaine nodded, "okay".

Kurt turned back to the door, he bit his lip to keep from letting out a sob, opened the door and stepped through it and shut it behind him. He turned around and placed a hand to the door, letting the sob out that he was trying so hard to keep in. Blaine crossed his room to collapse in front of his door, pressing his hands to it, sobbing with relief and regret. Neither boy knew the boy on the other side was doing the exact same thing, completely broken.

Kurt walked down the stairs, Blaine's mom was on the couch watching TV, surprised to see Kurt so soon..and so upset.

"Honey what's wrong?"

Kurt just shook his head, "he..he..he doesn't love me anymore, and I have to go..I'm sorry".

With that he left his mom stunned and he ran out of the door. She turned and ran up to Blaine's room afraid of what she'd find. She opened the door and he was curled in a ball in the middle of the floor.

"He's gone, isn't he?"

She wrapped his arms around him, "yes honey, he's gone. But why Blaine, why did you tell you didn't love him, why did you tell him to leave?"

"Because I love him that much, I'm doing what's best for him mom, I can't love him right now, not the way he needs to be loved."

She shook her head, "honey don't think it's up to Kurt whether you love him enough?"

"Can I be alone, I promise I'll be okay, but I need time to grieve mom, I need to let him go. I need to find out how to breathe again, how to find strength without his voice, I wish I was enough for him, I should've been. They took all of it from me, they took EVERYTHING from me mom…I'll..I'll..never be okay".

She rubbed his back, "honey you will, one day you will".

She let him go, kissed his head and made sure all sharp things were out of his room and bathroom and shut the door behind her. Blaine drug himself off the floor and his stomach lurched he ran to the bathroom and emptied his stomach. He went and laid on his bed, he felt tears run down his face, tickling his ears. He closed his eyes and willed himself to die..certainly it'd be less painful than this.

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't leave his room, let alone his bed for a week. He didn't shower, didn't eat, didn't open his door. He lay in Blaine's sweatshirt, with his head covered in his bed and cried. His heart still leapt every time he heard the door bell ring, thinking it would be Blaine telling him he was an idiot, he made a huge mistake. But it was never him, he was never coming back. Finally one week and three days after he came home that night he got up and took a shower, he texted Finn for some toast. He sat there with his keyboard after he finished his toast. He needed music, he felt connected to Blaine that way, that if he thought of him hard enough that he could hear him or something. He started to play the music of a song he'd just discovered.<p>

_Never thought I'd be in this place  
>It's someone else's life I'm living<br>Wish I were living a lie_

_The hardest part is when the bough breaks  
>Falling down and then forgiving<em>

_You didn't even kiss me good-bye_

_I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say  
>And pray I get the chance one day<em>

_I still run  
>I still swing open the door<br>I still think you'll be there like before  
>Doesn't anybody out there know to never come around<br>Some things a heart won't listen to _

_I'm still holding out for you_

_I can hear you smile in the dark  
>I can even feel you breathing<br>When the daylight chases the ghost  
><em>

_I see your coat and I fall apart  
>To those hints of you I'm clinging<br>Now is when I need them most  
><em>

_I should get up, dry my eyes & move ahead  
>At least that's what you had said<em>

_I still run_  
><em>I still swing open the door<em>  
><em>I still think you'll be there like before<em>  
><em>Doesn't anybody out there know to never come around<em>  
><em>some things a heart won't listen to I'm still holding out for you<em>

_Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep_  
><em>It's the only true comfort I feel<em>

_I still run  
>I still swing open the door<br>I still think you'll be there like before  
><em>

_I still run  
>I still swing open the door<br>I still think you'll be there like before  
>Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around<br>Some things a heart won't listen to  
>I'm still holding out for you<br>Holding out for you_

Once the song was over he sobbed again, not knowing his dad was standing on the other side of his door. He was crying for the pain his son was in, and for the pain Blaine was in to put both of them through this pain. He wanted to take it all away, make it all better. But this was another time, like when Kurt lost his mother that he just couldn't make it better.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**Thanks for the reviews..keep them coming, the more I get the faster I write.**

**Don't own glee**

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><p>Blaine sat alone outside the courtroom, he felt like something was crawling on his skin. He had just testified, in a closed room, and they'll play the tape later. His therapist said he wasn't fit to stand on the stand, but consented to telling his story in a safe environment for it to be played for the jury. He'd been out of school for a week, and wasn't looking forward to going back the next day..not looking forward to seeing Kurt. His heart squeezed in his chest at the thought of the boy he still desperately loved. He wished he was brave enough to love him, love him the way he deserved. He figured he was probably doing better now, and figured he'd be angry to see him tomorrow. He missed Kurt, missed his terribly, and wanted nothing but to fall into his arms and stay there forever.<p>

* * *

><p>Kurt wasn't in school the next day, and found out he hadn't been to school that entire week. No one was angry with Blaine, they knew he was going through something and that it wasn't that he wanted to hurt Kurt; he thought he was doing what's best. But today was Kurt's day to testify in court, as he saw the guys leaving from the room down the stairs.<p>

What Kurt didn't count on, was having to hear Blaine's testimony he had tapped the day before, he wasn't sure he was strong enough to hear it. He heard what he thought was the worst of it from Blaine the last night he saw him. He didn't realize how wrong, how truly wrong he was. He watched as a shell that was formally Blaine popped up on the screen. Kurt's heart stopped at how utterly small and broken he seemed. Kurt ached to hold him in his arms, to kiss away the memories from his mind, to hold him until the demons were gone. That's when they asked Blaine to start telling his account of the attack that night.

_"I was excited that night to see my friends, celebrate with everyone another successful year. We were celebrating our friends New Directions first stint at Nationals, even though they lost. I personally was looking forward to seeing my boyfriend the most, as since they went to New York I hadn't seen in a week. I drank a little, and left Kurt's side to go to the bathroom. I should've never left Kurt's side, I should've never left"._

Blaine had to compose himself on screen, to get ready to tell the worst part of his ordeal, and Kurt decided for Blaine he'd listen, he had to.

_"I came out of the bathroom, wanting to get some aspirin; I could feel a headache coming on. I knew Wes kept them in his room so I went looking for them there. I never made it as hands grabbed me from behind pulling me in the guest room at the end of the hall. I was drug to the bed; one guy held my hands while making me sit up while the other poured a drink down my throat. Within a few minutes I felt so weird; my body wouldn't cooperate with me. I could move my arms and legs, but they felt weighted down by sand. Then one of them pushed me down on the bed, they tied my hands above my head. That's when...that's when..I saw one of them take his pants off and he forced himself into my mouth. I gagged, and wanted to throw up, I was crying, I kept saying stop, but they couldn't hear me. Once I guess he was done with me the other guy forced himself in my mouth, and made me suck him too. Once he was done with me, they untied my hands; I took a swing at one of them, which only got me a beating. They turned..they turned me over, and pulled my pants off, along with my boxers. I started screaming NO at them begging them not to. I was crying for my boyfriend, I wanted him there; I wanted this to be our thing to share..and I couldn't believe someone was taking it from me. He leaned down and told me how beautiful I was, and how I would like this since I liked dicks, and a dick is a dick. That's when I held my breath; I had prayed they'd use lube or something..but I was mistaken. I screamed when he entered me, I screamed at the top of my lungs..it hurt so bad. They both took a turn like that, I could feel the blood running down my legs, and I was horrified. That's when they turned me over and took turns that way, making me watch them, making me tell them how much I liked it. They kept telling me that if I performed well, and made them come, then they'd leave Kurt alone."_

Kurt's breath caught in his throat, he wanted to leave to go find Blaine, tell him he didn't care if he loved him right now, because he loved him, and right now that's all Blaine needed.

_"That's when I looked over and saw Brian in the door way, he looked shocked, and I was screaming for him to help me, begging him to make them stop, that it hurt so freaking bad. But he left, he just left, and about five minutes later they were untying me and left also. That's when I got up, pulled my pants on and came down the stairs"._

Kurt got up and ran out of the room; his lunch wasn't going to stay down any longer. Once he felt better he went back in, told his story, and with his dad headed home.

* * *

><p>Kurt found his strength to get up and go to school from watching Blaine tell his story so bravely, he didn't think he was ever going to be that brave. He walked into the choir room, and saw Blaine sitting in the corner. He avoided him; of course, he wasn't going to force himself on him. Little did he know how close Blaine was to running into Kurt's arms, just wanting his love, his acceptance, whether he could give it in return. He somehow knew Kurt would be fine with this, but a big part of Blaine refused to do that to Kurt.<p>

Mr. Shu walked in and looked at the state of the two boys and sighed, he looked at Kurt.

"Are you ready with your song Kurt?"

He nodded, and stood up; Blaine glanced up, not able to meet his eyes. He wondered what he was going to sing.

Kurt cleared his throat, "I know you said you needed to be alone, that you think you don't deserve me, or that I deserve better. But the fact is, you are it, you are what I want, who I want, for the rest of my life. If I have to wait for you forever, if I have to wait forever for you to feel ready to love me, than I will..I'll do whatever it takes."

Blaine was starting to cry, he didn't understand why Kurt wouldn't just let go, he then realized probably for the same reason he couldn't.

Kurt turned and looked at Brad and nodded, indicating for him to start.

_Strong _

_Strong as a mountain _

_One you can count on_

_That's how my love is for you_

_Sure as forever, we'll be together_

_'Til the sky's no longer blue_

_I know it won't always be easy_

_When we need to be strong_

_Baby believe me.._

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To hold on to your love_

_Swim every ocean_

_If that's not enough_

_Walk to the ends of the earth_

_Through the cold pouring rain_

_To hold on to your love_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_Brave_

_I'm not that brave_

_But there's not a day_

_I wouldn't take on the world for you_

_And fight _

_Baby I'd die_

_There's nothing I wouldn't go through _

_Just for you_

_My heart is eternally yours_

_Just to be in your arms is what I'm living for_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To hold on to your love_

_Swim every ocean_

_If that's not enough_

_Walk to the ends of the earth_

_Through the cold pouring rain_

_To hold on to your love_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To hold on to your love_

_Swim every ocean_

_If that's not enough_

_Walk to the ends of the earth_

_Through the cold pouring rain_

_To hold on to your love_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

Kurt is silently crying by the time the song is done, and looking down at his hands. When he feels a presence in front of him, he's not expecting the face that's looking at him to be there. Blaine smiled at him, and started crying, "I'm so sorry Kurt, I'm so sorry". He flung his arms around Kurt, who returned the favor, overcome with emotion Kurt fell to his knees. Both boys were sobbing.

"I'll be strong for both of us Blaine; I'll take the good and the bad days, the happy and sad".

Blaine stopped him, "Kurt, I couldn't breathe without you, nothing made sense, I felt lost and the weakest I've ever felt. I can't promise you that I'll always be easy to deal with, or that everything will work out, that it'll be okay. Because I don't know, but I do know this. I can't live without you, I've been there Kurt, and I don't ever, ever want to do that again."

That's when he did something he hadn't done since that night, he gently pressed his lips to Kurt's, once they broke apart Kurt looked at him. For the first time Kurt didn't see the overwhelming darkness behind them anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**There will be ten chapters..I couldn't leave you hanging there!**

**Don't own glee**

**This is my first time writing an intimate scene, I won't say smut, because what I was striving for here is much more emotional and intimate than that word conveys. I'm sorry if it sucks, I will take any advice for future stories I hope it turned out okay.**

* * *

><p><em>A month later...<em>

To say Blaine would be back to normal soon would be wrong; Kurt had walked out a few times, Blaine fighting, saying things that hurt him. He never left the house, just the room; he couldn't stand there and take it anymore. They hadn't gone past kissing, which was fine to Kurt, it wasn't like they'd done much before this happened anyway. He had no intention of pushing Blaine; he had finally stopped having nightmares every night. But Kurt spent a good deal of time sleeping in Blaine's bed, with Blaine curled up next to him. Blaine needed him and Kurt had no problem being there for him, and slowly the fighting lessened, and Kurt started to see the old Blaine come back.

One night Kurt had come over after Blaine texted him telling him he needed him. Kurt came in, seeing his mother was gone, so he figured he was lonely. Kurt walked up to Blaine's room, knocking on the door just to hear Blaine say "just a minute". About a minute later he was there opening the door, and Kurt looked in Blaine's room, it was almost dark, he saw the candles, and looked at Blaine who was just in jeans and a black t-shirt, _but damn that t-shirt_, he thought. Blaine's normally gelled curls were newly cut, and left natural, making Kurt want nothing more than to run his fingers through it.

Blaine smiled, "hey, before you ask I'm fine, I just wanted us to have a normal night together, without you thinking I needed you here. Well I did need you here, but Kurt I actually _need_ you."

"You what?" Kurt was taken aback.

"I need you, I want you, I know you may think there hasn't been enough time, but Kurt I need those memories gone. I need to make new ones, I want the memory of your touch", he said while running his hands along the hem of Kurt's shirt, "to erase the memory of theirs".

Kurt shivered, Blaine's hands felt like they left burn marks on his skin, "Blaine I've never done this, I don't want to do something wrong, or make you remember that night."

"I love you Kurt, and I want this, I know you do, but if you really aren't ready, or don't want me I understand".

Kurt cut him off by placing a gentle kiss on his lips, Blaine pulling Kurt closer to deepen it. When they broke apart Blaine smiled at him, as Kurt snaked his hands under the hem of Blaine's shirt, running his hands over his chest, and sides, and back. He wanted to make sure he didn't miss an inch of his skin, wanting to erase every memory of those hands on him. Blaine closed his eyes and laid his head on Kurt's shoulder, while Kurt caressed every inch of skin he could reach standing there with Blaine. He tugged at Blaine's t-shirt, pulling it over his head, throwing it in the floor, standing back to admire the beautiful boy before him. He ran his fingers down his chest, then captured his lips in more of a comforting gesture, wanting everything to be calm and gentle for him. He then started kissing his neck, no biting, no sucking, just gentle kisses over every inch of his skin. He gently guided Blaine to the bed, when Blaine's legs felt the end of the bed he laid down. Kurt lay down beside of him, continuing his mission of covering every inch of exposed skin with memories of his touch, and his lips. When he reached Blaine's pants he gently pulled them off, all the while kissing every new inch of skin revealed.

"You are absolutely gorgeous", Kurt whispered, while he finished with his kisses.

"Mhhmm", was the only response Blaine gave.

"Blaine, I need to know if you're okay, if this is still okay."

Blaine opened his eyes, "this is perfect Kurt, you're perfect".

He blushed, "I think I'm a bit over dressed, don't you think?"

He saw the hesitation in Blaine's eyes, and decided to help him by removing his own shirt. Blaine sat up and took his hands and ran them over Kurt's chest, leaning in to place kisses along his jaw, his neck, down his chest. Kurt bent down and placed his hand under Blaine's chin lifting his gaze to meet his. Kurt didn't see pain, shadows, or shame in his eyes anymore, all he saw was desire and love. He started to un button his own pants, Blaine's hands stopped him. He let Blaine finish for him, knowing doing something like that after not being able to take off his shirt was important to him. After his pants were in the floor, Blaine stared at him, only to repeat Kurt's words from minutes before, "you are absolutely gorgeous".

Kurt gently pushed him back on the bed, crawling up once Blaine was comfortable straddling him. He grabbed the waistband of Blaine's boxers, and stopped to look at Blaine's face, he looked a little nervous, but didn't make a move to stop him. So Kurt took his hand and wrapped it around Blaine's erection. The contact made Blaine's eyes open, and his breathing to speed up. Kurt leaned up and pressed his lips to Blaine's in an effort to calm him. He let go of Blaine, pulling his own boxers off, and lay back on top of Blaine, pressing their bodies together. When he made a move to go lower on Blaine, Blaine pulled him back up.

"I don't want you to do that".

"Are you okay?"

He nodded, "just I can't do it back to you, not yet I can't-"

"It's okay, we'll do that another day, are you sure you want to continue, are you okay?"

He nodded again, "just be gentle please".

Kurt had tears in his eyes, "I will always be gentle with you".

He reached into Blaine's nightstand and pulled out the bottle of lube, "you got the all clear from the doctor right?"

"Yes Kurt, just do it already!"

Kurt laughed, "look who's getting impatient".

Blaine went to close his eyes, "babe", Kurt said, "look at me; I want you to keep your eyes open to show your brain that this is me. I'm the one touching you, and making this good for you, making the memories fade."

Blaine nodded with tears in his eyes, "I'm still nervous".

"Me too, but I'm here, we're here together, and if it gets too much, we'll stop. You just say the word and we'll cuddle and nap instead okay?"

"Okay".

"Now if this hurts too much we'll stop too okay? I don't want to hurt you."

With that he inserted one finger, watching Blaine wince slightly. "Do you want me to stop?"

He shook his head, and only reached for Kurt's hand, looking him in the eye, "No I'm okay, keep going".

So he pulled the one out to insert two, he knew even though he'd been raped twice (well four times if you count how many times they entered him), with the sutures things were still tight. He waited for Blaine's breathing to slow down, and decided to try something, and angle his fingers up, moving them trying to find it. He knew when he did because Blaine muttered "fuck" under his breath and his eyes rolled in the back of his head.

"You like that huh?" Kurt smiled.

"Mhmmm, yesss", he mumbled, which elicited a laugh from Kurt.

"Do you think you can take more now?"

He nodded, "as long as you keep doing that".

So he repeated his earlier actions, pulling out his fingers to insert one more, which made Blaine groan. Kurt quickly found the spot, making the uncomfortable sensation Blaine was experiencing disappear. He stayed like that for a while until he heard Blaine tell him he was ready. He grabbed the condom, putting plenty of lube on and he positioned himself at Blaine's entrance. He looked down at Blaine who was looking at the ceiling, "look at me baby, just look at me".

Blaine looked at him and nodded, he gently pushed in stopping as soon as heard a sound made by Blaine. He stared at him, as his eyes were squeezed firmly shut, his hand squeezing Kurt's. It took a minute but he opened his eyes and nodded, and Kurt pushed more in, they kept this up till he was buried inside, wiping tears from Blaine's eyes.

"I'm sorry I'm hurting you, are you okay?"

He nodded, not speaking, he started taking deep breaths, and opened his eyes, "I'm okay, this already feels so different than that night".

Kurt smiled, "I'll move when you're ready okay?"

"You can move".

Once he started slowly moving, and Blaine started making pleasant noises instead of painful ones he hitched Blaine's legs up, to thrust at an angle, looking for that spot again. Blaine's eyes flew open when Kurt found it, and he kept up his pace, thrusting into that spot every time. It didn't take long before Blaine was coming, Kurt following soon after, after they both came down from their high, Kurt slowly pulled out, and lay down beside of Blaine.

"Was it okay?"

"It was perfect, everything I wanted our first time to be, I'm just so sorry all that happened".

Kurt kissed him, "don't apologize, it's not your fault okay?"

He nodded, "thank you Kurt."

Kurt looked in his eyes, "what for?"

"For saving me".


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews...and the nice words about the last chapter. I was truly afraid to write something like this and something like that. But as a writer I like a challenge.**

**There is only one more chapter besides this one. I'm trying to decide what kind of story to write next (I still have three others going). So if you have any ideas let me know!**

**Here in this chapter is the song that inspired the story (all of my stories are inspired and named after songs..if you haven't noticed).**

**Don't own Glee.**

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><p>A lot changed after that night, for both of them, Blaine was much more relaxed, happy, just being more himself. The fights were few and far between, it was like with every touch and kiss Kurt erased the memories from him. He knew they'd never be gone; he couldn't just surprise his boyfriend with a kiss or a touch when he wasn't expecting it. Last time, and the only time, he ever done it resulted in a bloody nose. Blaine didn't mean it, it just scared him and he vowed to himself he'd fight harder this time, so he whirled around landing his fist in the face of whoever was touching him. He was so surprised when he realized after he let his fist fly that it was actually his boyfriend he had hit. The guilt that ate at him took him weeks to get over. Kurt kept telling him everything was okay, but he kept looking at his boyfriend's broken nose and couldn't help but want to cry every time. Blaine's mom had grown even closer to Kurt since that night so long ago. Any reservations she had about her son having a boyfriend faded away when she saw how caring Kurt was, how well he took care of her son. She wasn't worried about him being gay, just to have a first boyfriend, who was also his boyfriend's first boyfriend. But she knew he had found his true love the first time, she was so very thankful for that.<p>

It wasn't until a week after they had sex for the first time since it happened did she realize how far Blaine had come, how much better he was finally getting. It was a surprise to say the least, she was supposed to be working late, but had got out of there early. She knew Kurt would be there, Blaine had told her, asked permission for him to stay there with him. She didn't see them downstairs; she was hungry and was wondering if the boys wanted to go get something to eat, so she walked up the stairs. She saw her son's door closed, but heard voices, so she turned the knob, surprised it wasn't locked. She pushed the door open and the room was bathed in candlelight and they didn't notice her, no they were too busy enjoying each other. As uncomfortable as it was to see your son having sex, she couldn't help but smile, because she was afraid he'd never want to again. Knowing he was, just made her know he was well on his way to being as close to normal as you can be after being raped. So she just shut the door and walked quietly downstairs, she sat on the couch; only a few minutes before Blaine came downstairs to get them both a snack in just his boxers did he see his mom, jumping ten feet in the air.

"What are you doing home mom?"

She laughed; he was unsuccessfully trying to cover himself up, "honey it isn't like I haven't seen you like that before".

He blushed.

"I was waiting for you to get done, to see if you wanted to get something to eat, Kurt is welcome if he wants".

His eyes widened, spitting the water out that he'd just drunk, "you..you..knew?"

"Honey you were so enthralled you didn't notice me come in the room, how was I supposed to know you were okay enough to be having sex?"

"MOM...GOD. I'm so sorry, yeah I finally felt ready".

She guided him to the couch, "honey I'm not mad, I'm actually in a way happy to see you doing so well with everything. I just want to know if you're okay. Is this the first time since; was it okay, like you didn't have flashbacks or anything?"

"Mom I'm not talking to you about my sex life, and no, it wasn't the first time, it's the second".

"Just let me know if you're okay, please?"

He sighed, "I'm fine mom, no never any flashbacks, Kurt makes sure of that, not to mention he asks me sixteen times if I'm okay. He wouldn't hurt me mom, he healed me mom, he saved me..in every aspect of the word".

She hugged him, "so do you think I can take you two to dinner, or would that be too awkward?"

"Just as long as you don't talk about it, in front of Kurt. However awkward for me, it'll be worse for him. The first time I tried to talk to him about sex, before we were together, he told me to get out of his room. His father told me that he usually put his fingers in his ears and started singing. So please don't say anything, I'll tell him later that you know, he won't look you in the eye for a long time, but he'll be okay eventually", he laughed.

* * *

><p>The next week in Glee Mr. Shu was telling them about needing a fundraiser, saying they were going to have a Variety Show of sorts. Have singing numbers, some skits by the drama club, and obviously some singing. Blaine knew had to sing a song, and all he wanted to do was sing something just for Kurt, to show him what he's done for him. So the only song he found was unfortunately also Miley Cyrus, he laughed, oh well. It was the song itself and him singing it that would matter to Kurt, not who originally sings it. So that night after most of the acts were already done, Mr. Shut looked at Blaine and nodded his cue that he was on next. Kurt didn't know he was singing, or much less what he was singing, so when he walked out on stage Kurt was surprised to see him up there. He was sitting in the audience between Carole and Blaine's mom, his dad sitting on the other side of Carole, Finn sitting beside him. Blaine's mom seemed to know what was going on and squeezed Kurt's hand, he smiled at her, the awkwardness of realizing she'd seen them having sex was slowly fading.<p>

Blaine sat on a stool, with his guitar and started play, only saying four words, but Kurt knowing it was meant for him.

"This is for you".

_Everybody needs inspiration_

_Everybody needs a song_

_A beautiful melody _

_When the night's so long_

_'Cause there is no guarantee _

_That this life is easy_

_When my world is falling apart_

_When there's no light to break up the dark_

_That's when I look at you_

_When the waves are flooding the shore_

_And I can't find my way home anymore_

_That's when I look at you_

_When I look at you I see forgiveness_

_I see the truth_

_You love me for who I am_

_Like the stars hold the moon_

_Right there where they belong_

_And I know I'm not alone_

_When my world is falling apart_

_When there's no light to break up the dark_

_That's when I look at you_

_When the waves are flooding the shore_

_And I can't find my way home anymore_

_That's when I look at you_

_You appear just like a dream to me_

_Just like kaleidoscope colors _

_That cover me, all I need, every breath that I breathe_

_Don't you know you're beautiful_

_When the waves are flooding the shore_

_And I can't find my way home anymore_

_That's when I look at you_

_I look at you_

_You appear just like a dream to me_

Blaine had tears in his eyes, but smiled the whole room in a round of applause. He walked off stage to his surprise Kurt was waiting for him in the wings. The both cried and hugged each other, "thank you", Kurt whispered.

Blaine shook his head, "no, thank you".


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**Okay wasn't as easy as that, as once I rewrote most of it I hated it..so it took a few days to write more. I think this is the last chapter of this story. It was shorter than I planned, I may write something similar to it once most of my other stories are done.**

**Don't Own Glee.**

* * *

><p>Kurt and Blaine were holding hands as they walked out of the court house. The two boys got the maximum sentence allowed in Ohio, for that Blaine was relieved. He didn't know their names, he didn't try to learn them, the less he knew about them the better. Things for him were doing well for a change, he now went to a support group for men who were raped. They took to him easily, as he was the youngest one there, he figured they felt sorry for him. He brought Kurt on occasion, when the counselor suggested they bring their "support" person. Blaine was surprised to find not all of them were gay, he knew not just gay men got raped, and a few were raped by women. He found a group of people who he belonged with, who he could relate to. They all showed up for any performance he was in, and they also showed up for his high school graduation. Where he was second in class, and made a speech where he thanked every one of them, and of course Kurt.<p>

But today, as they walked out of the courthouse and into their car, the world to Blaine felt new again. He would always be a little paranoid about alcohol, and anyone surprising him. But without Kurt, and his mother, he doesn't think he'd be around to see this. Kurt had saved him, brought him back to life. He took away all the memories, the shadows, the fear. There were things that he wasn't sure would ever change, like the whole blow job situation. He didn't think he'd ever be able to do that, for some reason that damaged that act probably for the rest of his life. But Kurt never complained, he didn't care, he loved Blaine with all his heart.

He was there when Blaine confronted Brian, to let him know he wasn't angry anymore, that he was forgiven. He wasn't sure what he would've done had the roles been reversed. He knew he wouldn't have just not said a word, but at that point there wasn't much he could've done, it was already almost over. To be honest he was glad he didn't have a bunch of people rushing in when he was like that, it was bad enough Brian saw him, and the jury saw the pictures. He wasn't sure when the shame went away, he was still ashamed when he thought about it, which Kurt made sure wasn't very often. He said he could tell when he thought about it, as a darkness would come over his eyes, and Kurt would always know what that meant.

They were going to New York at the end of the summer, they were going to leave it all behind, and start over. Blaine couldn't help but look over at Kurt, who smiled at him, and it hit Blaine. This person, this wonderful, compassionate, selfless, loving man loved him. Not just loved him, but accepted him, unconditionally. He knew it before, but looking at him now he saw Kurt no longer as the boy who he loved, but as the man that saved him, the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life repaying. He stopped Kurt, and turned him to look at him.

"I wanted to plan something big and romantic, somewhere beautiful in New York. I wanted to pick out the most perfect ring for you, ask your father-"

Kurt cut him off and pulled something out of his pocket, "me too".

Blaine was speechless, "except I did ask your mom, and I asked my dad for his blessing and he gave it. Blaine I wanted a way to show you I meant what I said. That I was going to be here, through the bad and the good, putting you back together, one beautiful broken piece at a time. That I wanted to spend the rest of my life reminding you how perfect you are, how much in love with you I am, how in love with you I've always been. I want to kiss you everyday, make love to you every single night, until those memories are nothing more than part of your past, and no longer haunt you. I wanted to save you, I wanted to spend the rest of my life saving you over and over".

They were both crying, as were their parents who didn't think this would play out here, that they wouldn't be able to witness it.

Blaine kissed him, pulling back to try and tell him everything he wanted, but he couldn't. All his mouth would utter was, "You did save me, and I want to spend the rest of my life repaying you".


End file.
